Uncharacteristically Quiet

I've been getting the clearing of throats and meaningful looks from the blog fans. They all say the same thing, without saying it. "You are uncharacteristically quiet. Shouldn't the blog have more information. More about the Tennessee churches... more about the UU response... something, more?"

As my mama likes to say,

In a word - No.

Talk fills the void. Talk seems like we have solved something. Talk makes us feel better.

I'm not ready to feel better. I want to but it is not time. I'm still thinking, questioning, listening. And I had to talk way too much last week before I felt ready. Yes, I found words. Yes, the words found meaning in my mind and in the minds of some of those who heard them. It doesn't make me want to say more.

After the information came in, after you had called the ones you loved and broke the news or commiserated, did you tire of words as I did? Did you want to answer the questions from people who had seen the news and knew you are UU? Did you want to not have to explain the inexplicable to your children?

The breaking point for me was a reporter with whom I could tell there would be some communication issues.

"What do you want our readers to know, Reverend?"

I had nothing to say to that. My job is not to inform their readers about how we are feeling. There is no benefit in that to my congregation in a hard time. And it could hinder the healing in Tennessee. There had been other articles. Too much information was already available.

At that point, I didn't know what I wanted for any of us except a cosmic rewind and erase button that could change the past. Or a magic protector shield in preparation for the ugly opinions I knew were to come out in the media/press. Maybe ear plugs to block out the painful, hateful, thoughtless, and bigoted?

Quiet. We could use some quiet.

That's what I should have said.

Quiet. Just for awhile.

Standing together

On behalf of my congregation, I would like to thank all the people who have offered their support and condolences. I have been particularly touched by those who are not Unitarian Universalist and yet understand some of the nuances of who we are.



We are many hours away from Knoxville, Tennessee. Yet, many of our members know people from the churches there through leadership trainings, and UU camps and conferences. We have family connections to those churches. We have collegial conections. Some of us have attended those congregations. One of our staff and her family moved there. As a friend said to me tonight, "With UUs, it is not six degrees of separation. It is barely two."



Today I have been in contact with my friends from SUUSI. They were not physically injured. They were present in the service. They, of course, are connected to those who were injured and killed. They are in shock. They do feel the love and support of the wider UU community and others and appreciate those connections.



Tomorrow we will hold flower communion with the help of members from our sister congregation. Wednesday we will go to their sanctuary for a candlelight service. It is a great comfort to not be alone in town. We are so fortunate to have two churches in this area. I encourage as many members from both churches as possible to attend.



What I find in these sorts of ceremonies is that there is someone there who really wants to see you; someone who will get great comfort just by seeing that you are there. And if you go, in order so that this person might see you, you may discover that there was someone you really wanted to see and did not yet know it. It's best just to go.



And don't forget the flower.



Personally, my son has started asking questions. This is the fourth time in his young life that mama has had to work after something very bad has happened. What bothers me the most, is that the talk was so much easier today, because we have had it so many times now. I object to living in a world in which I have learned the vocabulary to explain the unthinkable/unacceptable to my six year old son.



As I trudge off to sleepless rest, let me say that I have felt nothing but pride, affection, and interconnection with the Unitarian Universalists of this country, for the congregations gathered in our Central Virginia cluster, and for the peaceful people coming to us on their journey. With company like this, I am incapable of despair.